Seriously, think about all the advancements you’ve seen in your lifetime to date. In the 80s, computers filled up entire rooms…now, you can carry one in your pocket, make calls on it, you can even video chat on it. Now, with this video chatting, you can even video chat from one of the most deprecated pieces of “furniture” in your home. The old school toilet.

Now I know what you’re thinking, “JoE…I came here to be entertained, I didn’t come here to learn.” Well guess what, YOU’RE GETTING BOTH! I legitimately researched this because I needed to know. I needed to know how long this porcelain beast has been in the state it’s currently in. And just like Dora the Explorer is going to take you through her adventures teaching you Spanish along the way, this is your Fold adventure through the land of defecation and urination removal.

Did You Know…
King Minos of Crete had the first flushing water closet recorded in history and that was over 2800 years ago. No, you didn’t. There’s no way you knew that, because honestly, what teach in any school would have felt it necessary to teach this. In fact, I’ll make this agreement with you. If I’m ever a teacher, I will teach this. I picture the home conversation going something like this:

“What’d you learn at school today?”
“In Algebra we went over the transitive theory, some pretty interesting stuff. We also learned learned about the tragedies the nation felt at the time of the Civil War. Just terrible that our nation had to undergo such atrocity to be where we are today. Really makes you appreciate the life you have when you realize how much civil unrest is still happening in the world.”
“That sounds wonderful. Anything else?”
“Oh yeah and the history of the toilet in the middle of my web design class.”

Where We Stand, err Sit, Today
If you’ve read this far, you’ve got to be wondering, alright where is he going with this. If I was back in English III Honors, I would have had a thesis statement back at the beginning of this thing, but that’s the beauty of being out of school. In fact, I could completely change track right here and start talking about the documentary I saw on chimpanzees in the Amazon. But I won’t, because every minute longer I spend writing a blog about a new toilet, is another minute I’ve spent writing a blog about a new toilet. Let’s just jump ahead with some bullet points:

• During the 1800s, people realized that poor sanitary conditions caused diseases. Having toilets and sewer systems that could control human waste became a priority to lawmakers, medical experts, inventors, and the general public.
• In 1829, the Tremont Hotel of Boston became the first hotel to have indoor plumbing, and had eight water closets built by Isaiah Rogers. Until 1840, indoor plumbing could be found only in the homes of the rich and the better hotels.
• Beginning in 1910, toilet designs started changing away from the elevated water tank into the modern toilet with a close tank and bowl.

1910!!! Over 100 years we’ve had pretty much the same toilet. Henry Ford’s Model T’s have gone through mind-blowing advancements, yet toilet…still the same. And everybody has a toilet, not everybody has a car. You’re telling me, over 100 years ago…they got it SO right, that nobody has ever felt the need to change it? C’mon Koehler! You make bathroom products. Nobody in your company has ever strived for something greater?!? And now, I do have to admit, my anger over this issue primarily stems from the lack of advancements in urinal technology, but the toilet too.

Problems With Today’s Toilets
What inspired such a blog?  This list.

• Middle of the night, stumbling into the bathroom. Lifting the lid and aiming for this round area is really the best solution?
• Urinal splash-back….why does it have to be a flat wall? Can’t it be curved or something?
• Are all handicapped people really tall? Is that why my feet don’t touch the floor when I sit on a handicapped toilet?
• Sometimes, after a fiber intense meal, the water will splash up on you….soooo gross!
• Can’t we get like blades or something in there to prevent clogs?

A Brighter Tomorrow
Unfortunately, I’m not very good at building stuff. All I ever made out of Legos were square homes that didn’t have windows and an entire wall was the “door” to get in. However, usability wise, I’m a damn genius and let’s face it, toilets are not very user friendly. Maybe the ones at the airport that have the automatic rotating paper on it…that’s pretty cool. And they’ve tried fancy it up with all this technology around it…but c’mon the toilet itself is still the problem.

And now…I just need to know from you, that I’m not alone in this. Next time you’re out, or home, just think about it for a second and realize how much better a toilet could be, if only they’d let it.

With school back in full effect, you’re probably thinking to yourself…”Hey, The Fold, what’s uhhh…what’s up with the title of this blog post? You really gonna help me study?” Today may be your lucky day.

No, we’re not actually going to fly a member of the band out to help you study. I mean, if you want to fly one of us out to help you study…I guarantee you Georgie is all for it. Like, ALL for it. But no, no. I’m hear to make things super awesome easy on you.

The Problem
So, let’s say you’ve got that big test coming up and you’ve got a bunch of stuff to memorize. Having a hard time just sitting and reading. So, take my suggestion, turn on some music!

The Work-Arounds
Now here’s the key. You can pull all kind of little tactics. Reading every sentence twice, reading the first and last sentence of each paragraph, making note cards, etc. Truth is, “relation” is the best tool for memorizing.

Let’s face it, you’re not REALLY learning. You’re just shoving the info in your brain and hoping to hang onto it long enough to let it all vomit out of your hand and onto the paper come test time. Worst off….well, honestly, you’re really not gonna need it all later. Quadratic formula….yeah, let me tell you how many times THAT has come into play. Or, or like, what year was Teddy Roosevelt President?

Unless I find myself on an episode of Cash Cab…no job interview, or money making venture has ever cared that I don’t know the exact years.

The Solution
So we’re memorizing. Let’s memorize. Let’s memorize by association! Pop in “Dear Future, Come Get Me.”

No, seriously, go ahead I’ll wait.

Ugh?! Seriously?! You don’t even own it?!? What is this, the stone age?!

Alright, alright. Go buy it on iTunes….I’ll continue to wait.

Cool? We set? Finally, you’re ready to get moving? Good. Let’s fire open “File Under: Ground”. Now, you’ve got to have your study materials handy too. And here we go. The song has verses, choruses and a bridge. We’re gonna read as much as we can during the verse and stop when it gets to the chorus. At the chorus, you’re going sing and summarize what you just read.

So like, “Take me 1920, America, you are so booming, depression is just right around the corner tonight. Take me 1930, send me money, lower and lower into debt I creep tonight.”

And BAM! Try forgettin’ THAT! I dare you.

Now, if you’re running through all 11 songs on the album, that’s 40mins of straight studying. Go back, listen to the album again and wha-laa, you’ve learned! Sure the teacher is gonna be a little suspicious when your notecard just has track listings on it instead of quiz notes, but it’ll all be worth it when you walk out of there singing!

And that, THAT is how you study with the Fold. Though uhhh….yeah, definitely still open to have you fly Georgie out!

It’s not really a debate to be won, but with hoodie weather rapidly upon us here in the northern portion of the globe, it’s time to look at some of the clear cut differences between summer and fall.

Mosquitos vs Moonlight
Seriously! If you’re not looking forward to mosquitos being gone you can just stop reading right now. We drove back after promoting at Milwaukee Warped Tour. Now, mind you, I was wearing shoes AND socks. Let’s just go over that part one more time. Shoes. And. Socks. Yet, somehow, managed to get 3 mosquito bites on the top of my foot! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?

Well, now for the tragic turn of the story. Sometimes when I’m driving, I like to prop my left foot up on the seat. It’s comfy, gives me something to hug while driving. Adds a bit of excitement thinking about my shattered tibia shooting out the back of my calf should I get into an accident. It was a two hour drive so occasionally, I’d scratch the top of my foot knowing I had a bite there but not realizing how bad the situation would get.

This casual scratching continued for 2 HOURS! Do you know what it’s like to stare at a bloody sock from scratching mosquito bites?! It’s degrading. Makes you feel like less of a man inside. I tried to blame it on OJ, but truth of the matter was that there was no escaping it. I had scratched mosquito bites to the point of bleeding? Think the fall moon, it’s all wonderful glory is gonna make me bleed? I didn’t think so either. Next topic!

Salt vs. Swoon
No, not the Angelina Jolie movie…salt, like, body salt. The summer makes people sweat. I’m not making that up. That’s for real. It happens. I’ve seen it. So let’s say you’re getting close with a girl (or guy…choose your own adventure!). You start sweet talking, you’re smiling at each other, getting all flirty. She touches your leg. And you go in for the kiss. Cool! So far so good. But then, you start kissing her neck and it’s just….just salt. Straight up, tastes like she just stepped out of the ocean. Gross.

Reverse (reverse! The second reverse is if you’re singing The Cupid Shuffle in your head like I just was while typing). Let’s run the same scenario in the fall. Where it’s kind of chilly, but not really cold. But just enough where when you do kiss said person’s neck, they feel that slight warmth from your kiss, or when you put your hand on their cheek. Now that, THAT’s romance!

Halter Top vs. Hoodie
Now I’m not a big fashion guy (what, you couldn’t tell by my constant barage of HelloWars.com tshirts?), but, I love the “hoodie” as an accessory. There are so many different kinds. So many different styles.

Did you know I have an awesome peacoat hoodie? Oh, you didn’t?! Well you do now. And it’s awesome. You see, it’s a peacoat, but a hoodie. Casual class at it’s finest. In fact, I think that’s going to be my new slogan. JoE Martin, casual class at it’s finest. Hmm, I like it. And you were here to witness it.

But back to the hoodie thing. So, I dunno, there’s just something about a hoodie as that added piece of clothing as opposed to a girl just sporting a halter top. It’s a coat that, when you walk into someone’s place and take off, symbolizes, “hey, I’m here to hang!” Whereas, you walk into someone’s place and take off your halter top, well, that’s just a whole other blog post waiting to happen.

Closing vs. Conclusion
We’re uhhh….yeah, we’re actually done with the “comparing part”. I just felt like there needed to be some kind of reconciliation here at the end. So we’re not really comparing “closing vs. conclusion”. It was just, ya know, kind of a good way to end the whole article. So that’s it! What do you think? You with me on this one? Any other good points to support one or the other?

We always find some stuff to laugh about and quote while we’re out on the road. Last time it was Aziz Ansari and Dr. Steve Brule (psst, he’s got his own show now!), this time it was “The Worst Rap Battle Ever” and an awesome “Talking Wildlife” clip. Both of which we’ve included below. We thought they were absolutely hysterical and wanted you to see ‘em too.

Worst Rap Battle Ever
We realize this came out a while ago, but for some reason we couldn’t stop laughing at this on the last tour. We’ve almost got it memorized at this point. We hope you appreciate it as much as we did.

“Alan, Alan, Alan”
This started off because Matty and I would start yelling this at each other at shows while loading in or out. I mean, we still do it today. So now, if you’re at a show and you hear “Alan, Alan” you’ll know exactly what we’re talking about…heck, you can even join in!

In 2006, we warned you not to be a “Backseat Driver.” Well, now it’s 2010, and it’s finally time to “GRAB THE WHEEL AND DRIVE”!!! This compilation was a blast to be a part of. It mark’s our first Drag-racing song, and also the first (hopefully not our last) time we’ve ever shared a tracklisting with Skid Row. =O The song is currently featured on ESPN 2 during broadcast of NHRA events, and is being played live at all NHRA events. Check out the NHRA Facebook page, which currently features the song!

Check out the song on iTunes here. Pick it up & support The Fold & Banshee Music: a revolutionary young company who is pioneering & perfecting the discipline of “event and music” marketing in today’s music “business”. We love you Banshee, keep up the great work!